Let’s talk about something that a lot of people are curious about but not many feel comfortable bringing up — even with their own partner.
Introducing intimate toys into a relationship is more common than you might think, and for good reason. When approached with openness and a little conversation, it can be a genuinely connecting experience — one that’s as much about communication and curiosity as it is about pleasure.
Whether you’ve been together for 6 months or 16 years, here’s a thoughtful guide to navigating this conversation and making it work for both of you.
First, Let’s Ditch the Awkwardness
There’s still a lot of unnecessary stigma around toys in the bedroom, and one of the most common concerns is: “Does this mean something is missing?”
The short answer is no. Bringing a toy into the mix isn’t a reflection of what’s lacking — it’s an invitation to explore something new together. Think of it less like a fix and more like trying a new recipe with someone you already love cooking with. Same great foundation, just a new ingredient.
For many couples, it also opens up conversations that were long overdue, about what feels good, what they’ve been curious about, and what they’d like more of. That kind of honesty tends to bring people closer, not push them apart.
Start With the Conversation
This is the most important step, and the one people most often skip.
Don’t just arrive home with something in a paper bag. Have the conversation first, in a relaxed, low-pressure moment — not in the middle of intimacy, and not during an unrelated argument. A quiet evening in, a walk, even a car journey can be a surprisingly good setting.
Keep it light and curious rather than serious. Something as simple as “I’ve been thinking it might be fun to try something new together — how would you feel about exploring that?” is a great starting point.
If your partner is hesitant, that’s okay. Give them time to sit with the idea. Respect their pace and make it clear there’s no pressure — that you’re interested in their comfort as much as anything else.
Choose Something Together
If you both decide to move forward, browse together. This turns what can feel like a loaded topic into something genuinely fun. Many couples find this part of the process — the curiosity, the laughter, the discovery — to be connecting in itself.
A few practical things to consider when choosing:
- Start simple. There’s no need to go straight to the most advanced option on the shelf. Beginner-friendly toys tend to be lower-stakes and easier to incorporate without feeling overwhelming.
- Look for body-safe materials. Opt for medical-grade silicone, stainless steel, or glass. These are non-porous, easy to clean, and gentle on the body. Avoid anything that doesn’t clearly state its materials.
- Think about what works for both of you. The best toys for couples are ones that can be enjoyed together, not just by one person while the other watches.
Bring It In Gently
The first time you introduce something new doesn’t need to be a big production. Keep things relaxed. Check in with each other as you go — “Is this good for you? Do you want to keep going?” That kind of ongoing communication isn’t just considerate, it’s actually one of the most connecting things you can do as a couple.
If something doesn’t work the way you hoped, that’s completely normal. Not everything will be the right fit immediately, and that’s okay. The shared experience of figuring it out together is part of the journey.
A Note on Solo Use
It’s worth acknowledging that many people already use intimate products on their own — and that’s entirely healthy and normal. If that’s already part of your life, introducing the idea of sharing that experience with a partner can feel like a natural next step. There’s no need to treat it as a separate, more complicated conversation.
When It’s About More Than Just Fun
Sometimes the motivation to explore toys together comes from a deeper place — changes in libido, navigating intimacy after illness or surgery, or wanting to reconnect after a period of distance. All of these are valid, and all of them deserve proper support.
If you’re experiencing persistent changes in desire, arousal, or sexual function — or if you feel like something physical is getting in the way of intimacy — it’s worth having a conversation with a health professional. These things are more common than most people realise, and they’re very much within the scope of what we do here at My Integrated Health.
The Bottom Line
Bringing toys into your relationship isn’t about fixing anything. It’s about exploring, connecting, and giving yourselves permission to prioritise pleasure together.
Start with an honest conversation. Go slowly. Keep checking in. And remember — the goal is something that feels good for both of you, in every sense of the word.
Have questions about sexual health, libido, or intimacy? Kendall sees patients across our Joondalup, Subiaco, and Mandurah clinics, with Telehealth available.